So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
