Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
