A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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