I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
