She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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