Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
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Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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