Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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