I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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