I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
