i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
