and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
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You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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