Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
