everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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