Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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