can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i already hear my dad disowning me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
