I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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