Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
