I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
