i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
