I can text with my tongue
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
