i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
