Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
As shirtless as possible
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
