He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
