At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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