wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
