im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
