I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
