did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
