I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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