Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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