i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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