come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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