If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
