Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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