Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
