On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
