you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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