He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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