Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
