she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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