dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
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I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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