I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
