HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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