Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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