He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
