I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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