She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
