My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
