Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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