you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
