Actions speak louder than pants.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
