Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
