Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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