i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
