i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
