you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
