Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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