yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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