I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
as a side note pls kill me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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