I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
